


Something Real

by frozensea



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Arguments, Blow Jobs, F/M, Missing Scene, Porn with Feelings, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Virgin Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:48:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23601808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frozensea/pseuds/frozensea
Summary: Six months had passed since the Battle of Crait, and when she'd left the planet with the last members of the Resistance in tow, she had hoped never to return.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 10
Kudos: 25
Collections: Smut 4 Smut 2020





	Something Real

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Miss_M](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_M/gifts).



"Rey, I-"

Rey cut him off.

Six months had passed since the Battle of Crait, and when she'd left the planet with the last members of the Resistance in tow, she had hoped never to return.

But she was here. She'd come to meet him despite her misgivings, despite the anger she felt every time she thought about that day. The very least Ben owed her was that she got to say her piece.

"I want it understood that the only reason I'm talking to you is that I've been trying to break this... connection between us for months and I failed. I want it gone, Ben. You've chosen your side, so there's no point to us getting distracted while we're fighting on opposite sides of a war."

Ben looked at her with a mulish expression and Rey hated how familiar she'd become with it over the past few months. She'd lost count of the number of times he'd tried to reach out to her, sometimes in anger, sometimes pleading, but never listening to what she needed him to hear. Well, she was tired of not getting through to him. She'd given him a chance and he'd thrown it back in her face.

 _At least, he's losing sleep over it,_ she noted with no small amount of satisfaction as she took in the dark circles underneath his eyes. The bright glare of the Craitian sun cast shadows underneath his brow that hadn't been there six months ago. _It can't be easy trying to take over the galaxy when half the people under your command try to assassinate you,_ she thought cynically.

Rey had been sure that those rumors were exaggerated, but looking at him now, she wondered if she should have given them more credit. Though his body remained tall and imposing as ever, he looked hollowed out in a manner that was unnerving.

His eyes never left hers as he stepped through the battered blast doors. "You made your terms very clear," he said, approaching her. "Snoke was a dedicated student of the arcane. He collected ancient books and scrolls from all over the galaxy to gain a better understanding of the Force. Some of these predate both the Jedi and the Sith."

He showed her the loosely bound assembly of parchment he was holding in his hands. "This is the most comprehensive information I could find about Force Bonds. It's yours, but I don't think you will like what it has to say about them."

Rey snatched the texts out of his hand. "And what would that be?"

She could see his Adam's apple move. His jaw shifted as it always did when he was nervous. 

"We're a dyad in the Force, Rey. We're meant to balance each other. It's a bond that cannot be broken."

He sounded regretful, which only incensed her. He'd used every opportunity to goad, berate, insult, and argue with her whenever the Force had connected them. There was no way she was going to believe that he wasn't gloating on the inside right now.

"I suppose that works out perfectly for you then, does it?" she gritted out.

"What-" he swallowed. "What do you mean?"

"We're supposed to balance each other? My light against your darkness? As if you needed another excuse to turn your back on your family and continue in Snoke's footsteps."

"You were the one who turned away from me," he said accusingly.

Rey's patience snapped. "I came to you," she snarled. "I trusted you. I braved the First Order- I braved Snoke's company _for you_ , you thick-headed nerf-herder. You keep going on and on how foolish it was not to take your hand, but you were the one who refused to take mine, Ben."

"I _offered_ you a place by my side. We could still have a future together if you'd only let go of your past."

"Enough." Rey made a cutting motion with her hand and dropped the texts onto the dusty ground. 

"I did," she snarled as she got right up in his face. Her breath came heavy and she had to restrain herself not to lash out at him. "I did let go of my past. I haven't been back to Jakku since I left, and I have no intention to change that anymore. Whoever my parents were, they didn't make me who I am today. I did that. All on my own. The reason I didn't stay with you has nothing to do with my past. You were going to let my friends die, Ben. Finn and Poe and your mother-" Ben flinched and Rey pressed her advantage- " are my present and my future, and the only reason that you don't have a place in either is that for all your talk about letting the past die, you refuse to let go of your own."

"That's not true."

"Everything you do is motivated by it. Every bad decision you make builds on the one before. You took Snoke's place, but instead of dismantling the First Order, you picked up where he left off."

"I am going to unite this galaxy under one rule and-"

"You cannot be that naive-"

"- you can help me do it. With the two of us standing-"

"People will never stop fighting you."

"-together. No one will have the power to stop us."

She was so close to him that she could see his eyes turn soft and warm as his voice trailed off into a whisper. She didn't resist when his gloved hand came up to cup her cheek.

"You really believe that, don't you?" she asked bitterly.

"I believe that we were made for each other."

It would be downright romantic if he weren't talking about tyranny.

"And you honestly thought this argument would convince me to come with you?"

She could see frustration flicker through his gaze. "I saw you turn, Rey. When you touched my hand, I saw the shape of our future together. Stop fighting it."

It was painful to acknowledge that the vision she'd had of them had been a mirror to his - a distorted, twisted reflection that had shown her Ben Solo putting the husk of Kylo Ren to rest. She had put her trust into that vision. She'd boarded a ship of enemies because of it, had risked her life... and for what? A fantasy that would never become reality.

And the worst part of it was that she could still feel the shape of that vision in her very soul. It pulled at her when she lay awake at night, filling her head with thoughts she shouldn't think and emotions she shouldn't feel.

"Don't throw away what we could have, Rey. Please." His gaze was so open, so vulnerable. It was hard to reconcile these two sides of him, the bone-headed man-child and the earnest shadow of his former life.

Rey knew that she would never be able to accept Kylo Ren as anything but a facade - a brittle, tempestuous shield behind which Ben Solo was hiding his face. She wanted Ben, and she would take no substitute, but maybe- she had tried to reason with him, she had tried to argue, and she had tried to ignore him. Nothing had changed his position.

But perhaps they could use this meeting to give each other something real, a memory that lasted rather than a vision which had slipped out of their reach.

It was a crazy idea, and perhaps Rey would never have considered it in earnest if there hadn't been a part of her that felt drawn to him, that dreamed about what could have been if he'd left the Supremacy with her that day.

"I know what you saw when our hands touched," she breathed as she pressed herself against him.

Ben's eyes widened. "You do?"

Rising onto her toes, she pushed a hand into his hair. It was soft under her touch, and Rey felt a flutter in her abdomen. "Yes," she said and then pulled his head down into a kiss.

She wasn't sure what she'd expected. The few times, she'd done this in the past, it had been about sharing comfort and pleasure, about the excitement of new experiences and the pleasant exhaustion and deep, dreamless sleep that followed. With Ben, it felt as if a missing piece of her was sliding into place.

Perhaps it was due to their encounters always being fraught with emotions. Perhaps his natural intensity just overwhelmed her senses. Whatever the reason, Rey's head was spinning when Ben's mouth slanted over hers. His lips were plush and soft against her own, and even though it took them a moment to find a rhythm, arousal raced like wildfire through her bloodstream as she pressed her body against his. Tentatively, her tongue slid against his bottom lip and Ben rewarded her with a soft, heady sound from deep in his throat.

"Is this what you wanted?" Rey asked softly as she pushed him backward. He yielded easily under her touch, and Rey felt a shiver of excitement run through her when she caught sight of the dazed expression on his face.

"I didn't think- I hoped-" he stumbled over the words. "I wanted to be with you," he finally said haltingly and unsure as if he couldn't quite believe that this was real.

"Like this?"

She pressed him up against a wall and pushed her hands beneath his tunic. A small, inaudible gasp fell from Ben's lips and his eyelashes fluttered as he reached for her hips. The skin beneath his clothes was warm and smooth and the fastenings of the fabric gave way when she leaned in and opened them with her mouth.

"Rey." His voice sounded faint as he looked down at her while she knelt before him, still holding the soft strap of his belt between her teeth.

A knowing smile curved her lips. Releasing the strap, she stood and pushed his tunic off the board expanse of his shoulders, which left him clad in a soft, grey sweater and black pants that failed to hide his prominent erection.

"I want to touch you, Ben." She ran her palms across his stomach and up his chest until the hem of his sweater fell over her wrists. She stole another kiss from his lips and drank in the wide-eyed wonder on his face. "I thought about touching you, about running my hands all over you."

"You did?"

She nodded. She wasn't sure if it was wise to admit even this much, but it was too late now to take it back.

"What- what else did you think about?" The eagerness in his voice made her smile. This was Ben who was looking at her as if she was precious to him, Ben who held her as if he was afraid that she might disappear if he let go.

In the nights since Crait, she had thought so often about what could have been if Ben had abandoned his ill-fated quest and come with her instead. She would have liked to take her time getting to know him. She would have liked to see what kind of person lurked beneath the clothes of Kylo Rey. And, if she was honest with herself, she would have liked to explore the body she'd seen when the Force had connected them while he'd been undressing.

Her hands roamed across his muscles and her lips followed their lines, nipping here and there before soothing the bite with a stroke of her tongue. Ben's gasps and whimpers fanned the flames of her own arousal until she felt dizzy with the sheer force of her need for him.

"I thought about holding you in my hand," she breathed and cupped him through his pants.

Ben moaned. 

She loved how unselfconscious he was about it, almost as if it caught him by surprise. "Do you like that?" she asked mischievously.

"Yes," he gasped. "Yes, please. Touch me. Don't let go."

Pleased by his reaction, she knelt on the ground again and tore at the fastenings of his pants. She was so eager to get her hands on him that she didn't care whether or not she tore his clothes. Ben didn't seem to mind either if the way his thighs trembled was any indication. When she finally freed his erection, she sucked in a sharp breath. She'd known from the first touch that he wasn't small, but when she wrapped her hand around the soft skin of his shaft, she couldn't help but marvel at the size of him.

Ben cursed quietly when she squeezed him. Her name tumbled like a prayer from his lips, and his breath came harder than it had when they'd been fighting each other.

 _Not something I want to think about right now_ , she decided just before she ran her tongue over the head of his cock.

She came away with the salty taste of his precome in her mouth. Ben whimpered above her as he slumped against the wall to let it take some of his weight. She'd never had anyone react this intensely to what she was doing, and his breathless, eager reception of her touch made her light-headed.

"Please, Rey," he begged. "Please."

 _I like this_ , she thought as she ran her fist lightly up and down his shaft and rubbed little circles over the vein on the underside. _I love how responsive he is._

Leaning in, she wrapped her lips around his head and suckled it gently before sliding him further into her mouth. She pushed her other hand between his legs to cradle his balls.

Ben's body jerked under her touch. Surprised, Rey pulled back enough that she wouldn't choke as he came undone. His muscles tensed and his strangled cry tore through the empty base.

 _That was fast. Though perhaps not surprising,_ she mused as she swallowed his come. _I bet he didn't have a lot of opportunities to do this since he took Snoke's place._

Frowning, she released him from her mouth and watched him as he sank onto the ground in front of her.

She didn't want to think about Snoke. It would only make her feel angry about the choices Ben had made, which would, in turn, feed her guilt over the indulgence she permitted herself right now.

His soft, warm gaze was hooded when he looked at her, and Rey felt a surge of pride at the stupefied expression on his face. Though she would have been able to take more pleasure in Ben's reaction if he'd give any indication that he planned to return the favor.

"What am I supposed to do?" The question was uttered so quietly that Rey barely heard it.

 _Come with me,_ she wanted to say, and the words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

A shadow came over Ben's face. "Is that why you did this? To tempt me away from a place that's rightfully mine?"

 _Goodbye, Ben, and hello, Kylo_ , she thought angrily.

She wanted to slap him. Not that it would do any good or make his words cut her any less. A moment ago, she'd felt excited in anticipation of the pleasure they'd share, powerful and wanted through his unguarded reactions, but now she just felt dirty.

"Then tug yourself away and go back to your precious First Order. I guess we'll see each other on the battlefield." She jumped to her feet and grabbed the texts from Snoke's library. "It's a shame, you know - that you're so damn jaded... and selfish enough to accept pleasure without giving any in return."

He sat up sharply. "Rey-"

"I was wrong about you," she said, interrupting him without looking back. "I was wrong from the start, I was just too stupid to see it."

"I didn't know," he called out.

She stopped in her tracks. _Keep walking,_ she told herself. _Whatever he has to say isn't worth listening to._

"Rey, please. I didn't mean-" he made a frustrated noise and she could hear the sand shift behind her as he got to his feet. "I'm sorry."

_Too little, too late._

She kept walking.

"I offended you."

She threw up her hands and rounded on him. "You don't need to pretend that you feel bad about it," she snapped. "There is nothing you can say that is going to make me go with you."

To her surprise, this declaration elicitated no anger from him. Instead, his shoulders slumped in defeat. "You were never going to, were you?"

Not trusting his sudden change in manner, Rey shook her head.

Ben swallowed hard. His eyes were full of uncertainty as he looked at her. "Then why did you do it?" he asked with a vague gesture towards his cock which was safely hidden beneath the fabric of his pants again.

Rey hesitated. "I honestly don't think you'd understand it. I'm not sure if I do myself."

His mouth moved as if he was trying to pick his next words carefully, and even in the dimmed light that filtered into the base, she could see color rising into his cheeks and turn his ears pink.

"Before... when I asked about what I should do..." He lifted a hand as if to reach for her, but let it fall back to his side before the motion was completed. "I wasn't talking about what would happen after- after we're done. I was asking- I wanted to make you feel what I felt. I wanted-" His eyes pleaded with her. "I don't know how to touch you. I don't know what you like. I've never done this with anyone before."

Rey closed her eyes. Shame churned her insides. There had been a moment during that first kiss when she'd wondered at the slopiness with which he'd met her, but it had felt so good despite his lack of technique that she hadn't dwelt on the subject. The intensity of his reaction made a lot more sense now, and Rey cursed herself for getting so wrapped up in her own enjoyment to realize that this had been his first time.

"I'm sorry," he said, and there was so much regret and dejection in his voice that she crossed the distance between them without further thought.

"Don't apologize." She stopped close enough to feel the warmth radiating off his body. She wanted to touch him and offer more assurance than she could with only her words, but there was an awkwardness between them now that hadn't been there before, and she didn't know if he would welcome the gesture.

"You have no reason to be embarrassed about that."

"I disappointed you."

"No. Not about this, at least. What you said made me feel a lot worse than just disappointed. I didn't go down on you to manipulate you." Her smile was shaky. "It probably wasn't the best idea to do it at all, but I wanted-" she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I wanted to know how it felt to be with you. It was selfish, I know, but-"

"Teach me."

Her breath caught and her eyes snapped open. "What?"

Ben reached for her hand. When she didn't pull away, his fingers closed firmly around her own. "It wasn't selfish. I wanted it too much for that. I still want it, but-" he visibly steeled himself, "-since neither one of us is willing to stay, let me at least make up for what I said. Let me give you the same pleasure you gave me."

Rey couldn't help but stare at him. _This is a bad idea_ , she thought.

But it was also tempting... too tempting to resist.

"We're going back to our respective sides when we're done?"

Ben nodded, his expression earnest.

"And you're not going to use the Force Bond to annoy me anymore?"

The barest hint of a smile tugged at his mouth. "I can't promise that."

"I'm still going to try to break it," she vowed solemnly.

"I would not expect anything else from you."

 _He's teasing_ , she realized with a start. For some reason, and after all that had happened between them today, _this_ was the moment that made her eyes burn with unshed tears.

 _I would have taken your hand_ , she thought as she blinked them back. _If it had been Ben who had asked instead of Kylo._

"This is not going to last," she said quietly.

The light in Ben's eyes dimmed. "No, it won't."

Rey nodded and swallowed the words that lingered on the tip of her tongue.

She drew him towards her and buried her hands in his hair. "Just for today then," she whispered and closed his mouth with a kiss.

They stayed at the base until sunset.

Rey took his hand and pulled him into the narrow bunk of the shuttle in which she'd arrived. In the hours that passed, she let Ben undress her and guided his hands as he learned her body as if it were an intricate map of unexplored space.

She shivered when he ran his fingertips along the delicate line of her collarbone and cried out when he sucked bruises into the skin above them while she held his head. She arched into his touch when he cupped her breasts and she taught him how to roll and tug at their tips, how to suck them into his mouth and lavish them with the attention of his tongue.

When she covered his hand with her own to slide it across her abdomen, his eyes went wide.

He looked at her with something close to reverence when she parted her thighs and showed him how she liked to be stroked, how pressure against the hooded bundle of nerves above her opening made her writhe and moan, how she came apart when he buried his thick fingers inside her and curled them just so.

She showed him how good his fingertips felt against the inside of her arm, how much she loved it when he kissed her neck, when he nipped at the pulse point behind her ear, and brushed his lips against the underside of her jaw.

And she taught him how to use that perfect, pillow-soft mouth between her legs, allowed him to drink her in and explore her at his own pace, guided him with encouragement until she shattered all over again.

She fell asleep in his arms, cradled warm and safe against his chest.

Night fell, and she didn't stir when Ben disentangled himself and got dressed. Instead, it was the hissing of the door closing behind him that finally roused her from sleep.

Heart heavy and body sated, she stared at the door until she heard his ship break atmo. Then she rolled onto her back and reached for the texts he'd left behind for her.

 _There's no use dwelling on the past_ , she reminded herself, and the irony of the thought did not escape her. _We're back where we started, so I better prepare for the future._


End file.
